Tim Kasher - I’m Afraid I’m Gonna Die Here (Sleepover Shows)
Posts tagged dead
Has there ever been in a time in your life where everything was absolutely perfect. Where everything you ate tasted better. You got a better night sleep. The warmth that you felt next to you was that of the person you thought you would spent the next million lifetimes with. When you are a kid you have no idea what you are in for. We are disney-fied from the beginning where the hero always gets the pretty princess or whatever that story happens to hold. These are the fairytales we grow up with and just like santa clause and the easter bunny and so on, the older we get the more it starts to unravel. You have no idea whats behind the door when you finally make it to the real world. When you have to think about your future and a family. See no one ever really gets you mentally prepared for the real future. Fuck high school politics of who is cool and who is not. Who ever really teaches you about love. Every chapter of it. Sure you get the “oh you’ll be fine” and the “she was a bitch, blah blah bullshit”. And you’ll put on a fake laugh, throw your shoulders up and march into the battle of another day. You’ll watch the seasons change and the things you used to do together will only be a reminder of what your little brain could hold onto. See unlike a broken arm or leg there is no cast for a broken heart. No friends to laugh and sign it and draw silly shit on it. There is no summer without the pool and then it feels fine again. This is an injury that you alone have to deal with. Through all the fake smiles and the “yeh, sure don’t worry I’m definitly over it”, there is a huge part of your heart that is far from fucking over it. Some days you will even convince yourself and go on with your day like it never made a difference in the world and you’ll believe every last drop you fed yourself and other days you’ll wake up to a soaked pillow from all the tears your bloodshot swollen eyes could produce. You ever think back to when it was absolutely the greatest time of your life. Right before it started to spoil and fade away. I had a greatest day once and I often think that if my life could have just ended that very day I would have died the happiest man alive. I never would have felt the pain and suffering of a loss that feels almost as worse as death. I would have just ended a career on a happy note and never known about what bad times could lay ahead. But see we don’t get to end our fairytale when we want to and we can’t walk out of a theater after two hours knowing the story ended happily ever after. We have to live through each day no matter what happens. We can’t plan the ending cause we have no idea where, when, or with who the ending is. So live your life the way you imagined. Show your emotions when it counts and love people who you want to be in the last chapter of your book. Cause if I could go back and end it all on chapter twenty nine, I would have only written half of it and there isn’t a publisher in the world who is going to print half a story. Write your ending the way you want to. You have the pen and the world is your paper.
Finally got him!