Every single dick, every single day.
Posts tagged funny
So I was talking to someone about this the other day and then the situation was put before me for like the 4,823rd time in my life. Now this may be an issue for girls too but as a gent I can tell you this happens quite often to those of us who actually wash our hands upon leaving the bathroom even if we don’t fall into the employees must wash their hands category. So you walk into the bathroom you relieve yourself of the bladder busting pee you’ve been tortured with for the last short while. You hit the sink and wash your hand, nothing crazy, maybe you even just do it to look clean if others are around. Maybe this isn’t quite a standard thing for you. You check yourself out in the mirror, fix that one piece of unruly hair, make sure there is nothing in your teeth and you reach for the paper towels only to realize they either don’t have any left and even though you can clearly see the dispenser is empty and fresh out you still jam a finger in there anyways poking around just to confirm what was already a given, or they at some point in time installed those tin can looking things that kind just blow the water around on your hands but never really dry them (we aren’t talking those jet powered dyson ones that nearly suck your skin off when you insert your hands). So you walk out of the bathroom with soggy waterlogged hands and you aren’t out the door for a mere four seconds when what do you know its Joe Schmo from that place you used to get wasted and passed out on the floor and man he hasn’t seen you for years and before you can even speak his arm extends and in that 3 seconds time you feel like you just thought about this for a half an hour slowly watching this dudes hand raise. Now you already know what I’m going to say. This is the awkward moment that is unescapable. You have two choices you either choose to explain you just came from the bathroom and you just washed your hands and thats why it still has that discomforting moisture on it or you just shake away hoping this guy doesn’t think the worst of you and your bathroom etiquette. Regardless of your choose your own adventure choice turn to page 45 and realize that no matter what path, Joe walks away thinking “Fuck I just shook that mans urine didn’t I? He always was a scumbag.”
This may take the title for the best spam I have ever gotten. Help itself. (Click the pic to enlarge)
Laughed like a schoolgirl during the entire three minutes of this. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.
Lights Out: You know how you go on Conan to perform and get invited over to the couch but accidentally forget to shake Andy Richter’s hand before sitting down?
Comedian Nick Thune knows what I’m talking about.
Sorry kids grandpa didn’t send a card again.
Yeh its right at crossroad of lesstraight lane.
- Jimmy Goose:
Hey whats the Address again so I can punch it in the GPS Im on my way.
- Male Friend:
its *** Gaymore Street.
- Jimmy Goose:
Hahaha thats funny no really whats the address?
- Male Friend:
Can you tell me how to get...how to get to gaymore strrrreeet!