Why is it that when we meet someone who we feel we have an awesome connection with that we end up putting up with shit that will one day make us hate the ground this very person walks on. Some people would call this love or lust, some say this is “the honeymoon” stage of the relationship. This is like in the cartoons when you see little hearts floating out of this love struck suckers eyes. The things you found oh so cute and giggled over will one day be the death of you. Really though what in the fuck are we thinking. Somehow the seesaw of love always gets one person worse than the other also. Doesn’t it always end up that one person tries so much harder than the other person. Somehow you just deal with it though. Maybe you think fuck I am going to be the superhero that changes this person. I am going to make history here and single handedly be the only success story in getting this person to change. Seriously I cannot warn you enough. I have seen the other side of this event. I have seen the end of this movie. I even heard the hidden track on the record. If this person is not giving what you are giving it is not worth your time. Move on. Say your goodbyes and jump off the side of that ship and float all the way home. Trust me you’ll be safer with the whales and the sharks. See if you try and stick it out you are only in for a disaster as you are going to become baffled as to why the distance of a football field just turned into a mini marathon through the city. But during this time you are also going to cling on like a cancer and continue to become more and more attached to this person and its just going to be that much harder to get rid of it when you decide that this disease has turned deadly. Look at people who are in prison. Most of them are in for the same crime they committed over and over and over again. The arsonist keeps burning the shit out of things. The same dude keeps robbing the local indian guy at the smoke shop and the murderer keeps on killing innocent people and sometimes bad people who are in gangs and whatnot. See in the same sense here the cheater always cheats. The heartless remain without hearts and the ones who will break yours are just waiting to cross your name off of a list and move on to the next warm body that they are going to purr next to at night like a cute little innocent kitty cat. Thats until one day the claws come out, the cat goes rabid and slap chops your face and you are forced to put the thing down faster than old yeller. Take a look at your lives. Does this person make you happy or is it just nice to have someone to come home to. Did you just get comfortable in a bad situation or is this person really that fucking great in bed. Examine. Diagnose. Cure. Take two and call me in the morning. 

So I spent the new year in a new city. It’s one of many cities I’ve been to in the past year of my personal manifest of places to explore. This year I plan on finishing the rest of the states and parts of Canada. This time around I was welcomed to fabulous Las Vegas. Isn’t it some weird fight club like rule to not speak of your time in Vegas. I don’t want to anger the gods of Vegas so I won’t get into the meat and potatoes of the trip but I will touch on a small side of gravy. So while I was there I managed to have a serious conversation one night while I was out. This conversation took place with a female who was around my age. She had just moved to Vegas a few years earlier from southern California. Now this girl had been on the hunt for the right dude for quite some time now and was wondering what was so wrong with her that she wasn’t having any luck in that department. She went on to say how she only met dudes who were in town for a few days and who only really wanted to hook up and then run for the exits and go home. She was trying to figure out why she wasn’t able to find prince charming out there who was going to sweep her off her feet like they do in the movies. Now I sat there for a minute and had to wonder if this chick was serious. I looked at her one more time before I opened my mouth and gave her another five to ten seconds to smirk or give some sign that she was just fucking with me. Well turns out she was more stumped than a colorblind trying to find waldo on the most difficult of puzzles. So I leveled with her as best I could. See she lives in Vegas what does she expect from these fist pumping jersey shore wannabes who fly in just hoping to leave with the newest form of std. I explained to her that she lived in a place where people are always going to be coming and going and really what more did she expect from a place nicknamed “sin city” surely this wasn’t the type of place to raise your kids. Then I touched on the locals who all seemed to be strung out on meth and had as many teeth as a jack o lantern. Another dead end road. This was a lose lose city if you were hoping to find those butterflies and rapid heartbeat. The only thing that was going to make your heart beat any faster was going to be the cocaine that you scored from the hooker at the hard rock. In the end I could tell she really was a lost cause when she was trying to wiggle dunk my purple bull dog cheeks and I was only in town for a week. Either way I had to shut her down faster than a kegger filled with under aged drinkers cause like I said about the locals that live there year round they got as many teeth a veteran hockey player. 

I need to start writing down the things I want to write about because by the time I actually get to sit in front of a computer to write, the idea of what I was going to write about is gone and the drunk idea of something I found humorous in some conversation in some shitty bar has came and went quicker than your last boner. See you can tweet from a smartphone and thats great but to actually sit here and blog would just end in me wanting to smash the thing to dust with all the auto correct and the thumbed down errors I’d look like a boy on his first ride to school on the small bus. So yes…I added a regular notebook (yes the old kind of a pen with real ink and real paper made from fake trees) and I’m hoping that these drunken genius ideas will get added to such book and then come to life on here with a little watering and booze. So one of the things I was thinking when I was out the other day is about relationships. I was observing the masses as usual and saw various forms of relationships, most of them being the kind where its a bunch of dudes trying to get some really hot chick to go home and give them a reach around for the night and play them until that little horn sounds like one of those cheap plastic party kazoos. Anyways as i sat here watching these dice (invisible) rolling orange men trying to land their thoroughbred for the night I couldn’t help but think…why? Now I ask why because what is the point of this. Think about it. The way you are drooling over this chick filling her head with hot air to the point its ready for take off some other dude will be doing the same exact shit over and over and over again. See this creates a pattern of attention and this said chick will be programmed to seek this attention now. You still following me here. This is pretty simple science of human beings once you really sit back and look at human beings. So lets say you land this prize of the litter and fast forward a couple months. You are going to think back on those days and think fuck my race horse is going to get bet on tonight at the bar. This will start as an idea and will slowly become your own apocalypse and self destruction. You will start to wonder who wants to take your horse for a ride. Who got a test ride in that car after the new car smell wore off. I mean surely something this good looking can’t be satisfied with your pencil(the mini ones for lotto and OTB) sized cocktail wiener. You just created your own nightmare. Did she just look at that dude…”did that dude just look at that dude?!”. Now these words might not spill out of your mouth while you smile through every last rotting tooth in your face, but you know some spark of an idea went off like a light bulb in your brain at some point over some situation that could fit into this idea by a good 8% profit/loss margin. See so what I’m getting at here is why waste time on these girls who without a doubt know they are gods gift to this world and why not go for the bust. See if you have a busted up chick you’ll never wonder who is checking out my girl cause no one will be. You will never stress over her cheating on you cause this book not judged by its cover is out to please. This is the kind of girl who would let you eat dinner off of her ass cheek if you asked cause she knows that life has handed her something against all odds. You will be serviced daily and ready to run a marathon at the drop of a hat. Your fears and worries will slip away with all the boatloads of liars and cheats who have seen more meat than a nathans hot dog stand. So I wonder what is the point here..save yourself and settle down with some beast and never live another day losing a wink of sleep of the bitch ex of yours who somehow ruined your life in some fashion not to your liking. Send it back. Eat your meat the way you want it cooked not what they are serving you. Think about it how many of your friends can you add up on your fingers and toes who have been fucked over by some piece. Fuck em all. Raise a glass to that and drink with your pig. Cheers.

*This in no way reflects my current life whatsoever…I am a single dude who is just making an observation based on the past and the current representation of human beings. Oh and you can expect many more long written blog posts from here on in because its time to put this thing to use besides the day in and day out reblogs. 

So there was this woman and she was on an airplane, and she was flying to meet her fiancé seaming high above the largest ocean on planet earth. She was seated next to this man she had tried to start conversations, but the only thing she had really heard him say was to order his Bloody Mary. She was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn’t even pronounce the name of. And she was feeling very bored and despondent. And then suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out, and they started just falling thirty-thousand feet, and the pilots on the microphone and he’s saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh my god… I’m sorry” and apologizing. And she looks at the man and says “Where are we going?” and he looks at her and he says “We’re going to a party. It’s a birthday party. It’s your birthday party. Happy birthday darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.” And then he starts humming this little tune, it kind of goes like this: 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4